compartmentalized

actress chick is tearing the place apart in a very unfriendly way. funny - since I told her last night that I was gonna do this today, amongst so many other things. you'd think that since it's mostly my stuff - she's let me take care of it. I was in two minds about the style of the kitchen - sometimes it's good to be at home & have some things about - makes it homely. she's going fully minimalist. which is cool too; I dig that - but for fucks sake - all she had to do was say she didn't like it & it would have been changed. I didn't even know she wasn't into it.

I'm hiding out in my room now - which gives me the shits - because I had so much planned today. I do have constructive things to do here - it's just not what I planned. I'm not just talking a little - it makes my blood boil and brings tears to my eyes. leaving the room is really the best I've got. if there's one thing I can't tolerate - it's someone moving my shit around. especially when they pick things up & say "what the fuck is this?" it's mine, you know it is. you don't want it there - fine; but don't be so rude.

I am good at being compartmentalized and impersonal. so honey - you want it - you got it. coming down tonight - everything that's mine. no pictures. no nothing. I have my space, you don't come into it. fuck you. you won't know what hit you. just when we had this whole shared decorationscene going on. I no longer trust her around anything that belongs to me. not totally awful. some sort of separation of powers just happened for sure. I'm not the chatty girlfriend. I don't care. my life, your life. I'm sure it will be a whole lot more productive that way.

perhaps this has always been just part of the path in establishing territorial space.

thank god I'm getting together a new room out the back which is mine solely for the purpose of restructuring such emotions into something powerful.

I'm feeling really fucking pissed off.