wired like that

I discovered last night that I need a muscular form to be into sex. It's not like I didn't try, and I pulled it off - it just did little to nothing for me. Just as women are expected to keep petite, men are expected to keep well-muscled. It's such a transitory thing - muscles; they can waste away in weeks - just as women can get fat in the same time. I wish I didn't have this need; as I've got far from a perfect body. I suppose there's no hiding skinny bones under the fingertips, but fleshliness feels okay to push against - much better; be it fat or muscle.

It may be superficial, but it's even. I'm just not into skinny boys. They've gotta have pecs & biceps & triceps. Lats and traps not so important. Ass helps. I wish I could trade brain & bum; and bum does waste away - but I need bum. It's gotta be possible to have both.

It becomes increasingly evident every day that the boy and I have brains universes apart - and moreso the longer he spends away from the gym.